What is the counselling journey going to be like?

What if you're going to therapy because you want your life to be different, but you don't have an idea of what the journey will look like?

Dear reader, especially if you haven't had counselling before but you've heard the BetterHelp ads about how your life could be better, you may wonder: What can you expect once you start therapy? Well, I'm going to try to lay that out for you.

Firstly, a disclaimer: everyone is different. That means, no two people will have the same experiences (experiences that may be holding you back from a better life); nor the same two ways of being in the world that make certain things easier or harder to navigate; nor will they be on the same point on their journey to feeling more in control of their destiny.

Right. Now I've got that out of the way, I'm going to generalise and predict EXACTLY what everyone* will experience.

1) IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE JUST TALKING.

I can do this with my mum/mates/girlfriend/husband/religious leader. So why do I need to pay you to do it?

Yes, believe it or not, talking to a half decent (or better) counsellor will feel like you're just having a nice chat. A chat about difficult things, but they'll ease you along the path. They'll do this by (hopefully) minimising any embarressment or shame you feel around the subjects you discuss. They'll recognise when the conversation is getting too intense for you and pull it back a bit.

They'll also encourage you to explore subjects that other people in your life might not think of. How can they do this? We'll, they've had their own therapy; they've had training, and they should have an idea what it feels like to be breaking new ground as you are.

2) THEY ASK QUESTIONS THAT FEEL A BIT UNUSUAL
You may well expect someone with a Freudian beard to sit next to you as you lie on the chez-longue, asking "Tell me about your mother". And, yes, it's not impossible the subject of your family of origin may come into it at some point. But more likely, they will ask you questions like "What is on your mind when I say that?", or "Do you notice any tension in your face when you say their name?" or even "What age did you first notice feeling this way?" Questions your mate down the pub might not ask.

3) YOU MIGHT START TO FEEL LESS HAPPY THAN WHEN YOU STARTED!

What's the point in this? I came here to feel better.

Ah yes, the old "it gets worse before it gets better" and "it's always darkest before the dawn".
Here's why:

(Secret) People feel depressed or anxious because there are issues in their lives that bother them, but they don't realise it. (Even if your e.g. anxiety is pathological, i.e. is not a proportionate reaction to everyday events, those everyday events will still have an impact).

As you attend therapy, you will start to become more in touch with your feelings. Unfortunately, this often means people get in touch with the feelings that they've been avoiding. These could be old feelings, these could be present feelings.

Maybe you will start to notice so many things that upset/annoy you, that you think, "It must be the bloody counselling that's making me unhappy all the time." and you stop attending. Why would you pay money to feel worse?

4) YOU HAVE A CRISIS OR YOUR PROBLEM ISSUES GET WORSE

This won't be true for everyone, but for some, the new awareness will lead to such an intolerance of things as they stand that a major life change feels the only possible way forward. This could be taking time away from work or from certain relationships in your life.

Alternatively, you might decide that facing these changes is too much and instead, leave therapy.

5) YOU ARE AWARE OF FEELING MORE PRESENT AND EVEN.... HAPPIER

This is what you came for, though perhaps you thought you'd feel like this without having to make any changes in your life. Yes for some, the world outside the therapy room doesn't change at all, but more likely than not, your increased level of awareness of what matters to you and what doesn't, will translate into wider changes.