What a counsellor or psychotherapist actually does
I've been searching for an easy to digest description of my role for some time; I wanted to put it into language that someone without counselling training can get a grip of easily. Like, the idea that only after having counselling, do you understand what it does/what it's for, is rediculous in my book. You wouldn't go and buy a car wondering what advantages it will bring you; you'd already be aware that it can get you places faster than walking; and take you exactly from point A to point B (far more convenient than the bus); and that you can leave when it suits you, and keep inside it some of your own items, e.g. a coat and boots for surprise wet weather.
When my child was very young and asked what I did for work, I said "I talked to people and helped them feel better". That was enough for a four year old, but most adults would want to know how exactly does talking help them feel better.
So far I've come up with two main ways to describe what I do. And this goes beyond that accepted "getting things off your chest can make you feel better". In fact, what I'm about to say will address directly those who I've heard say, "but when I talk about it, it just leaves me feeling worse". And I say, "don't you feel better after being upset?" and they reply, "No, it take hours, sometimes days, before that feeling goes".
You, the client "know best where it hurts" (a quote attirbuted to Carl R. Rogers, the founding father of the counselling approach I use - the Client Centred Approach (or Person Centred Approach). So if you know best, what do I bring?
1) My expertise is in noticing and understanding your process: how you relate to others, how you deal with difficult situations and feelings. I'm not an expert in "you"; but together we can both become experts in understanding how you experience and react to your world.
Now, to those that experience only feeling worse after talking about "the problem", this second point is for you.
There are many ways of understanding who we are, and what makes us tick. The medical model, for example, pathologises poor mental health. It says you are "depressed", that you have "a personality disorder" or that you are "neurologically diverse" (and they can give you drugs for most of your medical conditions).
Another lense to view things through is that of trauma. Trauma doesn't have to be that you were in a car accident, or in a combat zone, or experienced a serious sexual assault. Trauma can be all those, yes, but it is also any experience that your brain hasn't processed and filed away nicely where you can access and examine it calmly.
Why is this a problem? You just don't think about that traumatic thing, right?
Wrong. The problem is, you are the sum of your experiences, and if there are some that are not accessible to you, these may block a satisfactory existence for you. More than that, they may be present even without you thiniking about them. Headaches, backaches, certain events or dipictions on TV that upset or anger you. You probably weren't thinking of "your problem" at all - but it was still influencing how you experienced the world.
If you've had the experience of sharing soemthing painful, only for the pain to stay, hear this.
2) Traumatic (unprocessed) experiences can be scary, painful and difficult to process alone. "Holding" someone's painful feelings isn't just a case of nodding or saying nothing. This is an area where I have experience and training. I can act as a holding container to allow you to process (make sense of / file away / no longer feel distressed by) those different experiences without them becoming so distressing and lingering. Then I can help you pack them away so they don't hang around for hours or days. Then, when they are comfortable enough to be looked at directly, I can help you to see how they fit within the bigger picture of you.
This has been longer than I intended, but I hope it is helpful for anyone who has wanted a bit more clarity about the nuts and bolts of visiting a counsellor or psychotherapist.
When my child was very young and asked what I did for work, I said "I talked to people and helped them feel better". That was enough for a four year old, but most adults would want to know how exactly does talking help them feel better.
So far I've come up with two main ways to describe what I do. And this goes beyond that accepted "getting things off your chest can make you feel better". In fact, what I'm about to say will address directly those who I've heard say, "but when I talk about it, it just leaves me feeling worse". And I say, "don't you feel better after being upset?" and they reply, "No, it take hours, sometimes days, before that feeling goes".
You, the client "know best where it hurts" (a quote attirbuted to Carl R. Rogers, the founding father of the counselling approach I use - the Client Centred Approach (or Person Centred Approach). So if you know best, what do I bring?
1) My expertise is in noticing and understanding your process: how you relate to others, how you deal with difficult situations and feelings. I'm not an expert in "you"; but together we can both become experts in understanding how you experience and react to your world.
Now, to those that experience only feeling worse after talking about "the problem", this second point is for you.
There are many ways of understanding who we are, and what makes us tick. The medical model, for example, pathologises poor mental health. It says you are "depressed", that you have "a personality disorder" or that you are "neurologically diverse" (and they can give you drugs for most of your medical conditions).
Another lense to view things through is that of trauma. Trauma doesn't have to be that you were in a car accident, or in a combat zone, or experienced a serious sexual assault. Trauma can be all those, yes, but it is also any experience that your brain hasn't processed and filed away nicely where you can access and examine it calmly.
Why is this a problem? You just don't think about that traumatic thing, right?
Wrong. The problem is, you are the sum of your experiences, and if there are some that are not accessible to you, these may block a satisfactory existence for you. More than that, they may be present even without you thiniking about them. Headaches, backaches, certain events or dipictions on TV that upset or anger you. You probably weren't thinking of "your problem" at all - but it was still influencing how you experienced the world.
If you've had the experience of sharing soemthing painful, only for the pain to stay, hear this.
2) Traumatic (unprocessed) experiences can be scary, painful and difficult to process alone. "Holding" someone's painful feelings isn't just a case of nodding or saying nothing. This is an area where I have experience and training. I can act as a holding container to allow you to process (make sense of / file away / no longer feel distressed by) those different experiences without them becoming so distressing and lingering. Then I can help you pack them away so they don't hang around for hours or days. Then, when they are comfortable enough to be looked at directly, I can help you to see how they fit within the bigger picture of you.
This has been longer than I intended, but I hope it is helpful for anyone who has wanted a bit more clarity about the nuts and bolts of visiting a counsellor or psychotherapist.
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